In a stunning turn of events, Deloittes have confirmed Kenoath Clothing Co. has purchased Virgin Australia Holdings. At this stage, a purchase figure has not been disclosed but it does include all fleet assets excluding leasehold offices.
Sources have confirmed there will be a change of name to Kenoath Airlines which is more representative of the highly sexed personnel that will steer the airlines. No virgins it would appear.
Many staff will be retained but already Kenoath has confirmed they will be drastic changes to inflight offerings and programs.
A spokesperson for Kenoath gave a brief outline of these changes. "One of the biggest complaints we hear from passengers across the globe is the quality of airplane food. It's slop. We'll be ditching the quinoa and replacing it with lamb chops. Bread rolls will be replaced by Four'N Twenty Pies and those stupid fucking biscuits will be replaced by Beef Jerky. This will be an Australian Airline for Australian tastes. Full strength Aussie piss will be offered and in a first in the aviation industry, we are going to offer a happy hour. We're going to call it Boon Time.
The funding arrangements are a guarded secret at this stage, however, the spokesperson for Kenoath admitted, 'we're going to have to sell some fucking t-shirts to pay for this lot"